Mantis's and Gulls
by Color and Light
Summary: Charlies refelctions on his faith. A short ficlet.


Disclaimer: (These things are really getting annoying sigh Well here we go. I do not own Lost, or the characters, nor did I write the song "Amazing Grace." (Lyrics thanks to Otherwise ALL poems and the "Drive Shaft Song" Belong to me with the pen name "Mists of Myth" knows my personal identity and I swear that the poems are mine and where written by me and only me. You may not use them without explicit permission by I, "Mists of Myth" otherwise, enjoy!)

Note before reading: The words in parentheses is Charlie's backup singing the rest is his brother.

The Mantis and Gull

The taste of sweat, the smell of the hot human bodies crowding the pit. Charlie lived for it, he poured the water bottle on his head, oh the heat, it was just so damn hot. But finally the cue came for them to start the last song, the blue and green lights shimmered and Drive Shaft slowed their tempo, Charlie listened to his older brother begin following with the backup:

_Tears fall like rain (ahhhh)_

_My hate for you is truly love in mask, (to hide my sinful face…)_

_My hate is crushing like the Tuscan sea, (let the waves take me from this place..)_

_But the hate is at myself, (need you ask?) _

_For like a star you are just out of reach (let the crescent moon fall…)_

_I, the ant, trying to make you stay here… (should I love at all?)_

_Beware there are worms in the sweetest peach, (killing me from the inside…)_

_The strongest looking rock crumbles at the pier, (the stones strike my eyes and make me BLIND!)_

At the word 'blind', the electric guitar was hit into a skull crushing tune Charlie screamed once again into the microphone "MAKE ME BLIND!" The stage members danced as the audience moved like epileptics. And slowing down once again the bridge was over and the lyrics began.

_Keep the moonlight out of your hair my star, (may your ivory skin burn and crust black...)_

_Here's a train ticket go very far, (just go so that I may never look back…)_

_And these tears shall be my last after all, (for you I'll no longer crawl)_

And as he sang the last line Charlie joined in and combined their two voices into one and then back to his own back up without lead.

_Enjoyment in seeing (Enjoyment in seeing) my own star fall…_

_(Ahhhhhhh, fall and destroy us all...)_

The crowed screamed with ecstasy the band members left their instruments and waved as they walked off stage.

"What do you think boys? Should we do an encore?"

Charlie laughed, "That _was_ our encore, and I believe if I do one more encore I will bash your head in with my guitar."

"Easy little brother easy." But their conversation was cut short by the backstage fans screaming for a piece of Drive Shaft.

Later on, in his hotel room, Charlie couldn't sleep, four months on tour and he felt that he was just running on prayer. People had asked him how he came up with his songs; he would usually just smile and say, "Worship."

Now you as the reader would often think, "Oh he gets his ideas at church." But to Charlie worship was celebrating the good earth that God had given him. His own places of silence, just him and his notebook full of drawings and lines for potential songs, he may not have even known it, but he wrote for God.

Meditation was his paradise.

Leaning on his hotel balcony he watched the seashore as the sun rose, the seagulls seemed to unveil the great star of the earth, then he wrote a Haiku poem:

The birds fly today

Taking our sin on their wings

Like angels of God.

It was a shame when he had lost his faith in God, and turned to what might as well had been an idol. The fix of heroine seemed to lift him while truly disguising it true mission of digging him into a deep dark pit until he could not crawl out.

And now he was coping with it on the island after Claire's disappearance, he sat watching the camp, his throat looked like hell, but he couldn't feel it, he was numb now, he could care less. Why was God punishing him this way? He had given up his drugs and now Claire was gone. Earlier that day he had found the red covered, wide ruled notebook. Now he looked at the blank white page, and with the strength he knew he no longer had wrote:

I know I _shine_

I know I _glimmer_

Pick me up I _know_ you want to

I can _see _it in your mind

How _good _it would feel for me to bite your wrist

Then I would be dressed in crimson tonight

While you shall be drained and dressed in white.

He set the pen down and took up the jagged little piece of wreckage, and cut the top of his arm, it felt good, or he supposed it did. He wasn't sure what he knew anymore.

When the beach camp had been moved up shore later that night and when he had prayed with the kindly woman he could only sob like a child, his tears where not only for Clare but also himself the ordeal he had gone through and reflected upon the way he had turned his back on God. He asked for forgiveness, oh did he cry out for it, and he was filled, with hope and nurturing. Finally he laid his head upon the woman's shoulder and stared into the fire, she hugged him and got up to leave not before turning around and saying,

"Do you know what helps me Charlie?"

He shook his head no.

"Sometimes I will sing my favorite hymn. Now you say you're in a band, I bet you have a great voice." And with that she walked away.

He drew his knees up to his chest and thought about it, and it hit him, a song that had been sung to him as a child, reflecting on the past and what had brought him here, leaning over he picked up his guitar, and gently sang:

"Amazing grace! How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me. I once was _lost_," A pause, "but now am found, Was blind, but now I see. 'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed. Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come; 'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far And grace will lead me home. The Lord has promised good to me His word my hope secures; He will my shield and portion be, As long as life endures. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease, I shall possess within the veil, A life of joy and peace. When we've been there ten thousand years Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise Than when we've first begun." 

He smiled and looked over his shoulder startled by an insect sitting quietly on one of the tropical flowers, his smile became wider and he took up his notebook:

In his green suit he kneels

A priest of flowers

Bowing his head he calls to the Lord

And often I wonder…

What does the Praying Mantis pray for?

He closed the notebook, they'd find Claire.

He knew it.

((Ok so I started this ficlet an hour before the Lost episode with Sawyer and the suitcase and the French translation stuff. I stopped to eat dinner then I watched the episode and redirected the whole purpose of this ficlet. Because this has somewhat happened to me as well, with the exception I have never meddled in Drugs. But truly this ficlet has much deeper hidden meaning for me. These poems are my own, the song is a poem I wrote called "Burnt by Moonlight" I rearranged it and added on to make it into an original "Drive Shaft" Hit! Lol. The others are things I've written here and there. Please do not use the poems with out permission from me or I will have Asid and Sawyer come and kick your ass. Remember that God can lift your burdens and if church isn't your "thing" I don't blame you but whenever you're ready he's right there waiting.))


End file.
